Disappointment and Growth

This fall, two of my closest friends and I, who are all competing post-collegiately, and who were all struggling big time with the aches and pains of doing that, jokingly started our own team which then developed into having a slogan and t-shirts followed.

Team It Ain’t Over

“The fat lady hasn’t sung yet…”

In terms of racing and results, the past 8 months have been somewhat disappointing when comparing results to last year. Now I understand that last year was a once in a lifetime type deal where pretty much every race was a new PR…but with that comes the desire and the thought to do it again! Unfortunately, that’s not really how it works and I am stuck at what I would call mediocre results this year. This past Thursday I ran at Mt. Sac (one of the biggest track meets in the country). I was hoping to run close to what I ran last year, but that didn’t happen. I ended up running about 15 seconds slower than I did last year, which seems to be the trend this year. It’s so easy for me to want to directly compare this year to last year, when in all reality that just isn’t really fair. Nothing about my life this year is the same as it was last year. I have a new job, I’m living in a new place, the demands and stresses on me (both physically and mentally) are different, the training surfaces and terrain are different. So, I have to take a new approach to how I look at results for this season. I have to be thankful that in such a time of transition, bad days are still better than what I was running in college. I have to be thankful that even though I’m not getting the outcome I want, I still have the ability to race. I’m thankful for the continual support of friends and family and people around me who have continued to encourage me in quite a discouraging time. I’m thankful for my boyfriend who is the voice of reason and common sense when I have my “life is over” mental breakdowns after frustrating performances. I’m thankful to get advice from an Olympian, who has been through the process before. “Do your best and God will make it good enough”. I’m thankful for my parents, who honestly, probably don’t care how fast I run, they just support me because it’s what I love to do.

So through all the frustrations, and crappy days, and days of wanting to give up running competitively…I will learn, I will grow, I will keep going…because ultimately at the end of the day when all is said and done, running is what I love to do.

Pomona Pitzer 1500

Mt.Sac Steeplechase

 

Night of Champions

In addition to coaching at Azusa Pacific this year, I also had the privilege  of being the Assistant Director for an event called the Night of Champions put on by Azusa Pacific and Fellowship of Christian Athletes. The Night of Champions is a one-day outreach to youth. This year we had over 2,000 people in attendance. We spend the whole year planning it and I really think this year was a huge success. It’s amazing to see what can happen when you get the full support of an entire college campus. We had over 300 volunteers, from students to professors to campus safety to athletic trainers…everyone at APU is involved and is excited about their involvement and about the event. For a lot of the kids in attendance, this is really their first opportunity to hear about Christ and who he is and I cannot think of a better environment.

This year was the 29th one and the theme was “No Fear”. Our verse was Joshua 1:9, which says: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” There are 2 parts to the Night of Champions: the Outside Program and the Inside Program. For the Outside Program we fill our 2 soccer fields with giant inflatables and bounce houses and games, etc. for the kids to play on and then In N Out (who is a huge sponsor of this event) brings in their trucks and feeds everyone.

Outside Program

After an afternoon of fun and excitement we go over to our events center and have an evening of speakers and entertainers. This year we had Bryan Clay (Olympic Gold & Silver medalist in the Decathlon), Mallory Weggemann (Paralympic Gold medalist in Swimming), and a motivational speaker and strong man named Jon (the guy bends frying pans & breaks baseball bats…it’s pretty cool) come in and share their stories about how Christ has impacted their lives and rescued them from living a life of fear. Then we also had a Christian rap artist named RK True Soldier, who was a HUGE hit, and a band called By The Tree (which was extra cool for me because my brother got to play drums for them) lead worship.

Inside Program pics taken by my brother

It was an awesome day filled with lots of joy and laughter and Christ. I am so thankful for everyone who put time and effort into making this such a great day! This was my first Night of Champions and I hope that I can be involved in many more to come!

Dave and I after a LONG but fun day.

The February Curse is OVER!

The month of February has plagued me for YEARS! So many years that I just can’t even remember how many. It seems like every February, starting my freshman year of college, I could not get through February without an injury or illness or something that put a halt on my training.

Some of you may remember last year.

Well folks, I am full of smiles today because it is March 1st and I have successfully made it through February!!

The streak of the February curse is now officially over! (And to one up that, I even ran a new PR in the month of February!) While some of my male readers may have opposite feelings about this month seeing as it begins Fuzzy February and carries on into Mustache March…for the longest time I have tiptoed through it weary of every little ache or pain or sneeze or cough…but not anymore! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I can move on and look forward to February of 2014 with a new found excitement!

Hopefully I will be celebrating a pain and sickness free February with some new PR’s on the track this spring! Happy trails to you!

Flexibility

I like routine…especially when it comes to competing. I have my way of doing things that I feel helps me compete at the highest level possible. I like to eat the same things and do the same things before each meet.(Chipotle and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and 8 solid hours of sleep the night before, writing AO1 on my hand for the race, listening to my music in a certain order while warming up, etc.) However, especially when I am traveling to a meet, I can’t always have my routine…and as an elite athlete, you have to learn how to compete well and compete hard regardless of the circumstances.

This weekend I competed in my first real indoor race ever in Grand Rapids, MI at Grand Valley State University. (I ran on a dinky indoor track for a meet in HS twice) Azusa Pacific was going out there for a meet, so I decided to compete as well. After flying all day with weather delays on Thursday we finally got to Michigan at about 10:30pm. By the time we got our bags and rental vans and got everyone loaded up it was after 11:30. The plan was to go to Steak & Shake (already not an ideal pre-meet place to eat) but they wouldn’t take our large group because they didn’t have enough help, so we ended up at Denny’s down the road. By the time we got to the hotel it was after 2am and we were leaving for the grocery store at 10am. My morning routine the day of the race is always the most important to me…it’s my time to get my mind right before a race. With my race not being until that evening, and not coming back to the hotel once we left for the track, I had a lot to pack and a lot to do…shakeout run, do my hair (maybe the most important part J), food for the whole day, coaching clothes, racing clothes…which threw a solid night’s sleep out the window. I did my best to roll with the punches and stay composed. Especially as a coach, I knew I couldn’t be complaining about how everything was going wrong. I had to encourage the athletes (and myself) that it’s still possible to race fast despite the lack of familiarity.

Once I finally got through the morning and to the facility, my stress and anxiety levels had gone down a lot. I have never really run an indoor race (other than in high school on a dinky wooden track) before and have only been to a couple to watch. The facilities at Grand Valley are top notch. My race was one of the last ones of the day, but we had athletes competing all throughout the meet, so before I could put my athlete hat on I had to put on my coaching hat. We had some solid performances throughout the meet and I think they handled the disruptions very well.

Pre-race trip to Panera with the girls.

I managed to squeeze in a nap during the meet (which, as a coach, I would never do, but knowing that I needed to compete that night, I made an exception) and felt a lot better after that. Even with the nap though, being stuck indoors for most of the day was taking its toll. I knew I need to get outside and get some fresh air. So, when it was time to warm up, I bundled up and went outside to run in the cold. (News Flash: The weather in Michigan in February is VERY different than the weather in California in February.) It felt so nice to finally be outside that I didn’t even care how cold it was. I still felt like I was able to warm up and get ready for the race and I wasn’t squished on to the infield of the track like a sardine trying to get ready while avoiding running into people that were just walking around and not paying attention.

I ended up running 9:42 for 3k which is a new PR and can’t wait to race indoors again! Racing indoors is a whole new experience that I don’t know if I can explain. It feels much more intense than an outdoor race, but in an exhilarating way. Overall, I am satisfied with my race. I feel like I really pushed myself as hard as I could. I competed well and did my best to press the pace even when it got uncomfortable. A PR is always a good thing, but it left me hungry for more. It was a great indicator of where I am fitness wise and that I am on the right track, but it’s definitely no reason to settle.

This race proves to me and gives me confidence that I can still run well in less-than ideal conditions. I have always said that racing is all about who can compete well at 90%. Training very rarely goes exactly how you want it to, sometimes travel mishaps happen, etc. But that goes for everyone in the race. There is a very good chance that every other person on the line with you has had some kind of set-back or mishap in their journey to that race. Knowing that gives me confidence in the training that I have been able to do and I’m not going to let a meal or a few hours less of sleep ruin my opportunity to test my physical limits.

I’m not exactly sure what is next for me. That race was pretty much the extent of my indoor season, so now I will be transitioning to outdoor season which means a steeplechase is in my near future and I cannot wait!!

Hello Track Season!

This past weekend I kicked off my 2013 track season. It was my first race since the terrible Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving when things weren’t going so well training wise. (You can refresh your memory with my “Thankful” post after the race.) Azusa Pacific hosted an indoor-outdoor meet (a.k.a. indoor track events on an outdoor track). I needed to get a workout in that day anyways, so I figured I may as well lace up the spikes and give it a go. The plan was to go out conservatively hard for the first mile of the 3k and then go for it the last 3 1/2 laps and then come back and use the 5k as a tempo run. I just kind of wanted to get a feel for where my fitness was at. I ended up running 9:58 for the 3k and 18:08 for the 5k.

While I was hoping for a slightly faster time in the 3k, I will say that I am in a much better place than I was back in November. As for the 5k, well, I made a rookie mistake in not knowing the exact race time, so at about 1:13 I realized my race was at 1:20 and not 1:40 and stepped on the line having done a few drills and strides to loosen up, but really not much. So, given that, to be able to come back and run an even paced “race” at that pace and have it feel like a workout…I am excited for what is to come this season!

Lead pack of the 3k.

Which leads me to the question…What IS to come this season? As of right now, I already have the “B” standard for the steeplechase for the USA Outdoor Track & Field National meet, which is essentially the Olympic Trials in non-Olympic years. The “A” standard is 10:00, so if I run what I ran last year or faster (which is the plan) then I will have the automatic qualifier and I will be making a trip to Des Moines, Iowa in late June.

I am excited to say that after a bit of a funk back in November, training in 2013 has been going really well for the most part. I feel like I’m finally getting back to where I was last Spring. I think the biggest factor in that is that I feel like I have finally been able to get some consistent training in. I am finally starting to re-figure out the balance between coaching and training and I am also feeling settled into life in Azusa.

I end this blog with hopes of returning to consistently writing again. I have missed sitting down and processing life through putting words on a computer screen and look forward to getting back to it. I hope the beginning of 2013 has treated you all well!

2012 in Review

It’s hard to believe 2012 is already over! They say time flies when you’re having fun and as I look back on the past 12 months that statement proves to be true. I look back on all the things I got to do and all the places I got to go and I can’t help but feel extremely blessed for the past year of life that I have been able to live.

JANUARY-2012 started out in Scotland as I got to represent Team USA for the first time.

FEBRUARY-My highlight from February was getting to watch my college roommate and one of my best friends get married!!

MARCH-In March I got to go to the NAIA Indoor Track & Field Championships in Ohio and watch the Azusa Pacific women win a National Championship!

APRIL- April marked my return to the steeplechase after a 3-year hiatus. It also marked the start of an unforgettable track season.

MAY- In May, we lost a good friend and great man, Alex Moore. I think of Alex everyday, and for the rest of my track season wore a North Carolina blue bow in my hair in his memory. In the first race after Alex’s death I was able to break 10:00 in the steeple (a goal that I had set back in 2005).

JUNE- June was a bittersweet month. I got to go up to Portland, where I set a new PR in the steeplechase and got to spend the weekend with another one of my college roommates and her husband. June also marked the end of the Santa Barbara chapter of my life. My 9 years in Santa Barbara was absolutely incredible and will forever be a special time in my life.  June was also the month of the Olympic Trials where I narrowly missed qualifying. While it was really hard to put so much into a dream and come so close and yet, not make it, I look back and have no regrets. There is nothing more I could have done and I would not change the journey for anything.

JULY- In July, I got to fulfill another dream and go to Belgium with Athletes in Action and race on the European circuit. It was an amazing 3 weeks spent with an amazing group of people and to top it off we got to spend the last couple of days in France!

AUGUST- August marked the start of a new job at Azusa Pacific University. It was a crazy month after a summer of travels and trying to get settled into a new place, but so far I am loving every minute of it and am excited for what is to come! As part of our pre-season we took the team to Mammoth for some altitude training.

APU XC 2012 on top of Red Cone. (10,500 ft. altitude)

SEPTEMBER- By September, I was full swing into coaching and trying to figure out the balance between coaching and training. I was also trying to adapt to huge change in weather. Azusa gets HOT! Definitely not like anything I was used to in Santa Barbara.

It gets hot here…

OCTOBER- October brought my 27th birthday. I am officially in my late 20s. As a birthday present, our family got to go to the Carrie Underwood concert at the Staples Center. In addition to that, I got to go to Hawaii for the first time with APU for the Cross Country Conference Championships. In addition to the race and our 1st Pac-West Conference Championship, I tried surfing for the first time and went to my first luau. All in all I would consider Hawaii a very successful trip!

NOVEMBER- In November, I got to be a part of my first ever National Championship team. The APU women’s cross country team won the National Christian College Championships in Cedarville, Ohio. (Apparently APU has some good luck with winning National Championships in Ohio.) I also got to celebrate another Thanksgiving with my incredible family.

DECEMBER- December was full of Christmas festivities! Lots of Elf watching (and other Christmas movies this year too!) and baking and ugly sweater wearing. In the middle of it all, I got to go to Orlando for a few days for the National Coaches Convention but got home just in time to celebrate a wonderful Christmas with my family!

So that is my 2012 in a nutshell. I cannot wait to see what 2013 has in store!! Happy New Year to all of you! I hope 2013 brings you blessings and happiness!

Thankful

I’m sure some of you have seen those t-shirts that say “Running Sucks.” on them and you better believe I own one of those t-shirts. While I originally bought it as a joke, there are definitely days that I wear it because it’s true. Yesterday was one of those days. Actually, the past few weeks have been one of those days. Each day has been a struggle. Workouts suck, easy days suck, and trying to train when you can’t remember the last time you had a good day just flat out sucks. Before I continue on, I promise that things get more happy and less depressing.

I can name off probably about 4 or 5 different reasons why training hasn’t been going as well as I would like it to, but after taking a 4-hour nap yesterday I woke up convinced that my iron is low yet again…which would explain a lot…and my mom, being the loving and caring woman that she is, responded ever-so compassionately with “well….DUH!” Thanks mom, I love you too.

Iron deficiency is something that I am all too familiar with, and you would think I would have it all figured out by now, but apparently I don’t. Fortunately, it is fixable with a little rest and lots of steak and spinach and liquid iron! I have battled iron deficiency all throughout my running career and while I am pretty much an expert in all things iron related, I can’t seem to completely figure out how to keep my body full of iron.

It’s times like this that I truly feel like God is trying to teach me something. I’ve decided that whenever God needs to get my attention, he takes running away. Whenever running becomes a priority over him, he steps in and says “Nope, that ain’t gonna happen.” (I’m sure he has much better grammar, but that’s just how I picture him saying it.)

I am a person of control. I like to be in control and if I’m not it makes me very uncomfortable. So the whole business of giving up control of your life to God doesn’t always sit well with me. I know it’s what I need to do and I know that life would be a whole lot easier if I could just hand things over to him and let him be in control of it, but I just can’t seem to fully do that. When it comes to God, I have unnecessarily engaged myself in a game of tug-o-war with him and 10 times out of 10 it results in me losing. Now, I am a competitive person and I hate losing, so you would think that I would have figured this out by now,  but I am also a stubborn person so I haven’t and keep thinking that MAYBE 1 day I will win this tug-o-war. (Let’s face it, I should just get over it and realized that that’s never going to happen.)

As of right now you can put another tally in the win column for God. I have again lost the tug-o-war and realize that over the past few months I have taken back control of my running from God. I have been trying to force the runs everyday, I have been trying to will myself to better split times and frankly that just isn’t working. Running has become an activity completely separated from God…I have eliminated him from having any part in it. And I finally realize that it’s time to take a step back, stop worrying, stop analyzing, and stop over-thinking. A few bad days and a few bad races doesn’t mean I suck, it’s just God’s little reminder to me that I’m not in control.

And for that I am thankful. I’m thankful that the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-merciful God cares enough about me to say, “Chill out, girlfriend, I got this.” (Yes, the God I envision is quite hip, and doesn’t always speak formally.) I’m thankful that I am important enough to him that He takes an interest in my everyday life. I am thankful for the people He has put in my life to remind me who He is and who support me despite my stubbornness.

I know that when running isn’t going well I’m not exactly the most fun person to be around and yet despite my grouchiness I have a support system who give me a shoulder to cry on and put up with my meltdowns; friends and family who go and dig my running shoes out of the trash when I throw them away in a momentary decision to give up on running forever.

So, despite the fact that running sucks right now, I am thankful; because through the suckiness I truly get to see the greatness and love of Christ in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am truly thankful for you.